They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
The convent might be a nice break from real life
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I'm having to shit out rocks
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
