Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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