I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
