one two three fourrrrnication!
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
