you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
