Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
