What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize