So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
