The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
