I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
