I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
