Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
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