The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
