Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
