he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
