So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
