On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
