Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
