I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
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Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
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I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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