i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
