Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
