My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
