Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
