What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
3 2 1 whiskey
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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