That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
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Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
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She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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