i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
