my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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