I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
