I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
