I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
