Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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