Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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