Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Randomize
