i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
