I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
