I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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