On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
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I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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