I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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