she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
