I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
