but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
