Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I believe in your delicious
Randomize
