I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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