it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize