Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You may now shotgun with the bride
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
