I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
