I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
