We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
