We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
