Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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