you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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