Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
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I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
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I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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