I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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