You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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