From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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