he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
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Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
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I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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