Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
