I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
