i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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