You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
