I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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