I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
