omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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