He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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